Every story of pregnancy loss is different, but grief is something shared by any parent who has lost a child.
In 2013, Becky Hansen and her husband, Jason, found out they were having a baby. Becky had an easy pregnancy, but at 29 weeks, her blood pressure skyrocketed. She was admitted to Advocate Good Samaritan Hospital where she received devastating news.
“The doctor couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. They called it an act of God – there was no real reason we lost him,” she shared. “I was induced and had to deliver our son, Nathaniel James, stillborn. It was a huge shock. I had just seen my doctor just a couple of weeks before and everything was fine.”
In 2017, Angela Novak and her husband, Greg, were thrilled to learn they’d be parents after struggling to get pregnant for some time. But at the end of her 21st week, Angela experienced some bleeding.
“My doctor did an exam, everything was fine, and I was told to go home and rest. A few days later, I was back to work, and I went into labor,” said Angela. “My doctor sent me to the hospital to see if they could stitch my cervix closed, but by then, it was too late.”
Angela’s son, Matthew, was born alive the next day.
“Both of our families were with us. They got to meet him and spend some time with him. We had a couple of hours alone with him, but he was just too little. There was nothing they could do to try to save him.”
Finding support
While they were in the hospital, Becky and Angela both received information about SHARE Perinatal Support Services, a national program that Advocate Good Samaritan implemented more than 30 years ago.
“It primarily focuses on supporting families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss,” explained Jessica Kincaid, the hospital’s perinatal support services coordinator. “We’ve also broadened our support to help families experiencing other types of perinatal crises, including high-risk pregnancies and babies in the NICU.”
SHARE provides guidance and support for families through the initial crisis period as well as continued support for months or even years.
“Services include creating mementos, art therapy, support groups, reunions, remembrance events, financial aid to help cover funeral costs or medical supplies, and spiritual and emotional support as needed,” she said.
The path toward healing
Both Becky and Angela found comfort and support through the SHARE program.
“They gave us a hat and a baby blanket. They took photos and gave us Nathaniel’s footprints,” said Becky. “We also attend the events. There’s a remembrance walk and a holiday program, which have helped celebrate him, not mourn him.”
“The events are very touching,” shared Angela. “I call them my ‘Matthew days.’ Those are days that are just about honoring him.”
The support group has also been extremely helpful, and Becky and Angela have been attending for several years.
“It’s different than counseling,” said Becky. “It’s a group of people who understand the ups and downs, the happy and sad moments. There’s no judgment. It’s sharing our stories, crying, venting and laughing. All of it is okay because we’ve all been there.”
“It’s amazing; it’s really helped us feel like we’re not alone,” added Angela. “It’s nice to be with people who understand and aren’t afraid to talk about it. Family and friends don’t always feel comfortable talking about losing a child.”
Becky and Angela, along with their husbands, also found each other through the program and are now close friends. And years after their losses, there’s reason to celebrate. Angela and Greg welcomed a daughter, Brielle, two years ago. And Becky and Jason have a 3-month-old baby girl, Alexandria Claire.
“I hope that sharing my story can help others. There is a light at the end of the tunnel,” said Becky. “It doesn’t feel like it at first, but time does help with the healing process.”
How you can help
SHARE Perinatal Support Services is 100% funded by charitable donations and would not exist without the continued support of generous donors.
“It means the world to us to have this program funded by sympathetic people who want help,” said Becky. “We couldn’t be more thankful for Jessica and the SHARE program. We continue to go monthly, and it’s been eight years since our loss.”
“It is so important to have someone understand what you’re going through,” added Angela. “The SHARE program is a place we can have that. I couldn’t imagine where we’d be today if we didn’t have them as an outlet.”
You can help families like Becky’s and Angela’s by donating to the SHARE program at Advocate Good Samaritan, or by supporting another hospital or program in your community.