April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Advocate Charitable Foundation and Aurora Health Care Foundation are supporting the healing journey of survivors by sharing their stories and raising critical funds for Aurora Healing & Advocacy Services.
Kara Kay’s assault happened in 1993 when she was 19 years old.
“For many days after my assault, I didn’t want to live,” she shared. “I went to group therapy, but it wasn’t a comfortable experience for me, so I stopped going and just tried to get on with my life.”
Over the following years, Kara’s weight would go up and down. She developed digestive issues and other problems related to stress.
“When you’re at your healthiest weight, that’s when people are most likely to comment on women’s bodies. For all those years, I struggled with my weight and stress. I covered my feelings with laughter and pretended I was okay when I really wasn’t.”
Finally, in 2014, when her first marriage was dissolving, Kara decided she needed help. She was living in Milwaukee at the time, and through online research, she found the Aurora Healing Center.
“From the very first phone call, I knew the Healing Center was what I’d always needed. The person who answered the phone was so educated and knew exactly how to respond to survivors,” said Kara.
Kara began attending individual therapy sessions to make sure she was ready for group therapy. She remembers being frozen with fear in her car on her first day of group therapy.
“It was scary. I didn’t think I could do it. Then I thought about my favorite movie quote from “We Bought a Zoo.” The main character says, ‘Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.’ And that’s what I did.”
Kara attended several rounds of group therapy, along with other types of therapy geared toward people who’d had crimes committed against them.
“It was during one of those sessions that I realized I’d had relationships that were not consensual,” she explained. “That’s when my life really changed. In one relationship in particular, humiliation and obligation were so present, and the facilitator said, ‘Humiliation is not consent.’ I’ll remember that forever. It was a big moment for me.”
Kara would have continued therapy at the Healing Center, but she moved to central Wisconsin in 2015. She reconnected with an old boyfriend, Scott, and the two married in 2019.
Hope Shining Blue
Since 2014, Aurora Health Care Foundation has hosted Hope Shining Blue, a one-of-a-kind event featuring a unique runway fashion show, personal stories and the opportunity to support survivors of sexual and domestic violence on Denim Day. In 2018, Kara walked as one of the survivor models.
“It was unbelievable. They had a live choir. My family and friends came and sat on the stage,” she recalled. “I was the first model. Walking out and seeing them and hearing all the cheering and feeling the support in that room – it was life-changing for me.”
After that experience, she told Scott she wanted to pursue a master’s degree in counseling.
“My background is in case management, and counseling is something I’ve always thought about doing. My first husband didn’t support it, but Scott was all in. From my first class, I knew it was where I was supposed to be and what I was meant to be doing.”
Now a licensed professional counselor, Kara works with clients of all ages facing trauma, the loss of a loved one, relationship issues and life transitions. For several years, she and Scott have been involved in various organizations that support sexual assault and domestic violence survivors.
Kara returned to Hope Shining Blue in 2023 as an alumni model. This year, she’s being honored with the annual Thrive Award, which was established in 2014 to recognize a sexual assault survivor who is healing and thriving in life, and whose work in the community benefits survivors and promotes awareness of sexual assault issues.
“Places like the Healing Center are crucial, and it gave me the determination to help other survivors,” said Kara. “After an assault, you have to feel like you’re surrounded by people you trust, and that’s what the Healing Center provided.
From the second I got there I felt like I was going to be okay.”
How you can help
Aurora Healing & Advocacy Services provides healing services for survivors of sexual and domestic violence from the point of crisis through lifelong recovery. To ensure access and privacy for all survivors in our community, services are provided at no cost and are only possible because of the generosity of donors like you. Please make a gift or attend Hope Shining Blue to support survivors like Kara.
“Without the Healing Center and the generosity of donors who ensure these services are available, I don’t think I’d be as happy as I am today. I wouldn’t be as good of a mom, a friend, a sister or a wife. I wouldn’t understand how crucial it is to stand up for what’s right – for me and other survivors.”